Humorous Software Licence Agreement #2

See also: Humorous Software Licence Agreement #1

Please note: I do not know what kind of legal protection against liability this licence will actually afford you. Please confer with an actual lawyer before attempting to use this in any legal capacity.

Software Usage License Agreement
Copyright (C) [copyright holders]
All rights reserved.

 * WITH NO GUARANTEES OF ANY KIND
THIS SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED:
 * AS-IS
 * NOT AS IT IS'NT
 * WITH NO WARRANTY OF ANY KIND
 * WITH NO PROMISES OF ANY KIND
 * WITH NO ASSURANCES OF ANY KIND
 * WITH A YAHOO TOOLBAR ATTACHED IF YOU DOWNLOADED IT FROM CNET

THIS INCLUDES, BUT IS NOT LIMITED TO:
 * WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY
 * GUARANTEE OF FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE
 * ASSURANCES THAT IT WORKS, OR EVER WORKED, OR MIGHT WORK ANYTIME IN THE FUTURE
 * ASSURANCES THAT IT WILL NOT CAUSE YOU PSYCHOLOGICAL TRAUMA OR MENTAL HARM
 * PROMISES THAT IT WILL NOT CAUSE YOU TOTAL FINANCIAL RUIN
 * PROMISES THAT IT WILL NOT CAUSE YOU BODILY HARM OR PERSONAL INJURY
 * PROMISES THAT IT WILL NOT CAUSE YOUR SERVERS TO IGNITE IN FLAME
 * ASSURANCES THAT IT WILL NOT END THE HUMAN RACE
 * ASSURANCES THAT IT WILL NOT ANNIHILATE SPACE-TIME, AND THEREFORE EXISTENCE ITSELF
 * ASSURANCES THAT THESE WORDS ACTUALLY EXIST AND ARE NOT, IN FACT, AN ILLUSION
 
THEREFORE ANY PARTY THAT CHOOSES TO USE THIS SOFTWARE DOES SO AT THEIR OWN RISK AND
THEREFORE ASSUMES ANY RISK THAT IS DIRECTLY RELATED TO, CAUSED BY, OR ASSOCIATED WITH THE POSSESSION, READING, UNDERSTANDING, PRINTING, BURNING, USE OF, OR INTERACTION WITH THIS SOFTWARE
THEREFORE IT IS OF THE OPINION OF THE COPYRIGHT HOLDER/AUTHOR THAT THE SOFTWARE SHOULD NOT USED, BY ANYONE, FOR ANY PURPOSE, BUT DO NOT FORBID IT, AND FURTHERMORE, GRANT IT

It is hereby granted, to you, the rights to view it, use it, copy it, modify it, publish it, distribute it, sub-license it, or sell it for any purpose you see fit, subject to the following conditions:
 * The above copyright notice and this permission notice shall be included in all copies or substantial portions of the software.

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES AND IN NO EVENT SHALL THE AUTHORS OR COPYRIGHT HOLDERS BE LIABLE FOR ANY CLAIM, DAMAGES OR OTHER LIABILITY,
WHETHER IN AN ACTION OF CONTRACT, TORT, COURSE OF BUSINESS, LATE-NIGHT DRUNKEN PRANKS, OR ACT OF,
OR OTHERWISE, ARISING FROM, OUT OF, OR IN CONNECTION WITH THE SOFTWARE OR THE USE OR OTHER DEALINGS IN THE SOFTWARE

Want to read more? I wrote a Humorous Software Licence Agreement #1 post with a similar-themed software licence.